Figures

All the facts and figures didn't add up to the way that the sunlight was streaming through the nighttime window. It was supposed to be midnight. It wasn't supposed to be this bright.
She was itchy all over because she could still feel his fingers on her and on her at the same time, like there were little cobwebs draping themselves across her skin and across his eyes. They were all just the same.
Forgetting what was left of hope, there was something much more intriguing in the bottle of pills crushed away in her corner that she saved for days like these, for weeks like these, for her life like this. Just a moment of bliss could tide her over until she remembered that sometimes she can sleep on her own.
The sound of the telephone was too shrill to be accompanied, so the moonlight sonata that she had playing in the background, setting the tone for her feast of disappointment, was turned up a little bit louder before she sat, cross legged, and wept for Buddha's forgiveness.
She didn't need forgiving.
She needed to be forgotten.
Swallows were dancing around the sparrows who were tweeting at the blue jays who were making tiny nests in hope for Spring. It's November, see? Springtime isn't this time. Not quite yet.
With a few more swallows, she emptied the plastic container and tossed it lightly at the wall which, bowing and ebbing like the oceanic tides, made her dizzily happy enough to close her big eyes and stare at the ceiling through her thin skin.
She scarred so easily.
She had just started to trust again.
As the fan above her spun the air and made figure eights along the outside of her skin, she tried to tell herself that she did nothing wrong. But she was always the wrong one, and she was always the hated one, and there was never a moment when her best friend wasn't the now-empty bottle of pills.
It's a joke because they never knew.
It's a joke because she would never tell.
It's a joke because nobody would have ever paid enough attention to the detail like the creases next to her eyes and the way she cried every time she pretended to laugh.

She's figuring still, as falls off to sleep.